Boundaries With In-Laws
An unexpected visit, advice about parenting or a question that feels too personal can leave partners on opposite sides. One sees normal family involvement. The other sees an agreement being crossed.
Couples work can help you discuss boundaries with extended family while also looking at how you support each other. It does not begin with an assumption that distance or cutoff is the right answer.
Maybe this sounds familiar
01
You feel left alone to set every limit.
02
A visit creates tension for days.
03
You disagree about sharing private details.
04
You want respect without another family fight.
01 · Understand
Agree on the issue before explaining it to others
It can be hard to communicate a boundary when partners have not discussed what they each want. A conversation might start with the specific situation, its effect and what you would like to be different next time.
Your therapist can help you distinguish a request, a preference and a limit. You can also talk about what each person fears might happen if something changes, including conflict, guilt or a sense of disloyalty.
02 · Practice
Consider the relationship between you
The most painful part may not be the relative's comment. It may be feeling unsupported afterward or discovering that an agreement was not shared. That part belongs in the couple's conversation too.
Therapy can help you look at how you respond to each other, not just develop a message for someone outside the relationship. You can keep evaluating whether an agreement is realistic and whether both people are participating in it.
03 · Choose Your Next Step
A practical fit conversation
Ongoing couples support is listed with Holly Whitmore, Emily Chen, Misty Goldenberg and Nicola Loretto. Their approaches differ, so you can ask how they work with your particular concern rather than choose by a method name alone.
A free 15 minute phone consultation can help clarify availability, session format and next steps. Describe the broad concern and any provider preference. Keep detailed personal or health information for the practice's approved clinical process.
A therapist who fits you
These clinicians offer the related service. Availability and the right approach for your situation are part of the consultation.
Holly Whitmore
MA, LMFT
Gottman couples therapy and IFS
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Emily Chen
AMFT
EFT, attachment and inner child work
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Misty Goldenberg
AMFT
EMDR, perinatal and couples work
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Nicola Loretto
MA, AMFT
Grief, identity and Gottman couples work
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Dina Abdelaal
AMFT
Trauma and PTSD, in English and Spanish
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Aidé Merito
AMFT, APCC
Teens, identity and trauma, in English and Spanish
View profileFees in brief
We are in network with Aetna (PPO and EPO plans only), Cigna, UnitedHealthcare, Optum and Blue Shield of California. Not every clinician is in network with every plan.
Seeing someone out of network? We provide superbills you can submit for reimbursement.
Rates and insuranceLicensed therapist
$180
per telehealth session
For adults, couples, children or families
Associate therapist
$150
per telehealth session
For adults, couples, children or families
Questions before you begin
Will our relatives need to attend couples sessions?
Not automatically. Tell the practice what you hope to address. Couples and family therapy involve different participation decisions, which you can discuss with the clinician.
How do I ask about this service?
Tell the practice the broad kind of support you are seeking, your language preference and whether you have a clinician in mind. Fit, availability and any fee or insurance arrangement need to be confirmed before an appointment.
A small first step
Start with a free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss provider fit, availability and the next step. Keep personal and health details out of an ordinary website inquiry. Ongoing sessions are offered by video within California.
Explore Couples TherapyKeep exploring
When You Keep Having the Same Fight
Explore recurring arguments, communication patterns and finding a couples therapist who fits your relationship.
When You Feel Like Roommates
You coordinate groceries, bills and calendars. You might work well as a team, yet miss feeling like partners.
Make room for a different conversation
Start with a free 15 minute phone consultation. We'll help you consider provider fit and next steps.