Different Family Expectations
How often family visits, who gets asked for advice and what a holiday should look like can feel obvious until your partner expects something different. You may find yourselves defending whole families when you meant to discuss one decision.
At Shoreline, couples work can make room for the values and experiences each person brings without treating one family background as the correct template.
Maybe this sounds familiar
01
Family plans become loyalty tests.
02
You assume different rules for privacy.
03
Holidays repeat the same tension.
04
You want shared decisions without disrespecting family.
01 · Understand
Ask which expectation is underneath the disagreement
A plan can mean more than the event itself. Visiting family might represent loyalty, belonging, obligation or rest. Your partner may understand the same plan very differently. The aim is to ask rather than assume what it means.
Therapy gives you space to describe the expectation in your own words. You can appreciate parts of your background and still want different agreements in your current relationship. Those positions do not have to cancel each other out.
02 · Practice
Create agreements that belong to both of you
You may need to discuss who makes a decision, what information is shared with relatives and how changes are communicated. Some agreements will be practical; others may take more time because they touch on identity or belonging.
A therapist can help keep both voices in the conversation. There is no universal rule about how close partners should be with extended family. Your circumstances, values and boundaries matter more than a one-size-fits-all answer.
03 · Choose Your Next Step
A practical fit conversation
Ongoing couples support is listed with Holly Whitmore, Emily Chen, Misty Goldenberg and Nicola Loretto. Their approaches differ, so you can ask how they work with your particular concern rather than choose by a method name alone.
A free 15 minute phone consultation can help clarify availability, session format and next steps. Describe the broad concern and any provider preference. Keep detailed personal or health information for the practice's approved clinical process.
A therapist who fits you
These clinicians offer the related service. Availability and the right approach for your situation are part of the consultation.
Holly Whitmore
MA, LMFT
Gottman couples therapy and IFS
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Emily Chen
AMFT
EFT, attachment and inner child work
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Misty Goldenberg
AMFT
EMDR, perinatal and couples work
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Nicola Loretto
MA, AMFT
Grief, identity and Gottman couples work
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Dina Abdelaal
AMFT
Trauma and PTSD, in English and Spanish
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Aidé Merito
AMFT, APCC
Teens, identity and trauma, in English and Spanish
View profileFees in brief
We are in network with Aetna (PPO and EPO plans only), Cigna, UnitedHealthcare, Optum and Blue Shield of California. Not every clinician is in network with every plan.
Seeing someone out of network? We provide superbills you can submit for reimbursement.
Rates and insuranceLicensed therapist
$180
per telehealth session
For adults, couples, children or families
Associate therapist
$150
per telehealth session
For adults, couples, children or families
Questions before you begin
Does couples therapy mean choosing my partner over my family?
It can be a place to explore the relationship and your values without a predetermined choice. You can ask how a therapist works with family and cultural differences during consultation.
How do I ask about this service?
Tell the practice the broad kind of support you are seeking, your language preference and whether you have a clinician in mind. Fit, availability and any fee or insurance arrangement need to be confirmed before an appointment.
A small first step
Start with a free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss provider fit, availability and the next step. Keep personal and health details out of an ordinary website inquiry. Ongoing sessions are offered by video within California.
Explore Couples TherapyKeep exploring
When You Keep Having the Same Fight
Explore recurring arguments, communication patterns and finding a couples therapist who fits your relationship.
When You Feel Like Roommates
You coordinate groceries, bills and calendars. You might work well as a team, yet miss feeling like partners.
Make room for a different conversation
Start with a free 15 minute phone consultation. We'll help you consider provider fit and next steps.