Different Needs for Closeness
One partner wants more time together. The other needs more time alone. What begins as a difference in preference can become a painful story: you do not care about me, or I can never do enough.
Couples therapy can help you discuss connection and space in the terms of your own relationship. Neither wanting company nor wanting solitude automatically makes someone the problem.
Maybe this sounds familiar
01
An invitation feels like pressure.
02
Time alone feels like rejection.
03
You disagree about what quality time means.
04
A busy season has changed your rhythm.
01 · Understand
Describe what connection feels like
The amount of time together is only part of the question. One person may feel close during shared activities, while another wants a conversation without distractions. You might be spending many hours together without experiencing the kind of connection either of you needs.
Your therapist can help you describe examples rather than rely on a label. What was happening the last time you felt connected? What made time alone feel restorative rather than rejecting?
02 · Practice
Build expectations that can change
Schedules, health, parenting and periods of stress can change how much connection or quiet a person wants. An arrangement that once worked may need another conversation. That does not by itself mean the relationship has failed.
In sessions, you can discuss how to ask for space, how to communicate care and what agreements both people want to try. The work is collaborative; it does not require one person to give up their needs to make the other comfortable.
03 · Choose Your Next Step
A practical fit conversation
Ongoing couples support is listed with Holly Whitmore, Emily Chen, Misty Goldenberg and Nicola Loretto. Their approaches differ, so you can ask how they work with your particular concern rather than choose by a method name alone.
A free 15 minute phone consultation can help clarify availability, session format and next steps. Describe the broad concern and any provider preference. Keep detailed personal or health information for the practice's approved clinical process.
A therapist who fits you
These clinicians offer the related service. Availability and the right approach for your situation are part of the consultation.
Holly Whitmore
MA, LMFT
Gottman couples therapy and IFS
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Emily Chen
AMFT
EFT, attachment and inner child work
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Misty Goldenberg
AMFT
EMDR, perinatal and couples work
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Nicola Loretto
MA, AMFT
Grief, identity and Gottman couples work
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Dina Abdelaal
AMFT
Trauma and PTSD, in English and Spanish
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Aidé Merito
AMFT, APCC
Teens, identity and trauma, in English and Spanish
View profileFees in brief
We are in network with Aetna (PPO and EPO plans only), Cigna, UnitedHealthcare, Optum and Blue Shield of California. Not every clinician is in network with every plan.
Seeing someone out of network? We provide superbills you can submit for reimbursement.
Rates and insuranceLicensed therapist
$180
per telehealth session
For adults, couples, children or families
Associate therapist
$150
per telehealth session
For adults, couples, children or families
Questions before you begin
Can we work on this without changing our personalities?
The conversation can focus on understanding needs and building workable agreements. Therapy does not require both partners to want the same amount or kind of social time.
How do I ask about this service?
Tell the practice the broad kind of support you are seeking, your language preference and whether you have a clinician in mind. Fit, availability and any fee or insurance arrangement need to be confirmed before an appointment.
A small first step
Start with a free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss provider fit, availability and the next step. Keep personal and health details out of an ordinary website inquiry. Ongoing sessions are offered by video within California.
Explore Couples TherapyKeep exploring
When You Keep Having the Same Fight
Explore recurring arguments, communication patterns and finding a couples therapist who fits your relationship.
When You Feel Like Roommates
You coordinate groceries, bills and calendars. You might work well as a team, yet miss feeling like partners.
Make room for a different conversation
Start with a free 15 minute phone consultation. We'll help you consider provider fit and next steps.