When You Do Not Feel Heard
You explain what bothered you and receive a solution, a defense or a reminder of something you did. You may have been heard word for word but still feel alone with the meaning of it.
At Shoreline, couples work can help you examine what being understood would look like for each of you. The point is not to make one partner repeat a script. It is to work toward a conversation both people can recognize themselves in.
Maybe this sounds familiar
01
Advice arrives before you feel understood.
02
Conversations become competing examples.
03
Acknowledgment feels like taking blame.
04
You repeat yourself with more intensity.
01 · Understand
Distinguish understanding from agreement
It is possible to understand why something hurt without agreeing about every fact or interpretation. In a difficult conversation, those two things can become tangled: acknowledging your partner's experience may feel like admitting that your own does not matter.
Your therapist can help you slow that moment down. You can explore what you want acknowledged, what your partner heard and which part of the disagreement still needs a practical decision.
02 · Practice
Use a recent example
Broad statements such as you never listen can express real frustration, but they may leave both people unsure where to begin. A specific recent interaction gives you a shared place to look at the pattern.
You can talk about what you said, what response you hoped for and what happened instead. Neither person needs to present the perfect version. The work can include the misunderstandings and the difficulty finding words in the moment.
03 · Choose Your Next Step
A practical fit conversation
Ongoing couples support is listed with Holly Whitmore, Emily Chen, Misty Goldenberg and Nicola Loretto. Their approaches differ, so you can ask how they work with your particular concern rather than choose by a method name alone.
A free 15 minute phone consultation can help clarify availability, session format and next steps. Describe the broad concern and any provider preference. Keep detailed personal or health information for the practice's approved clinical process.
A therapist who fits you
These clinicians offer the related service. Availability and the right approach for your situation are part of the consultation.
Holly Whitmore
MA, LMFT
Gottman couples therapy and IFS
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Emily Chen
AMFT
EFT, attachment and inner child work
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Misty Goldenberg
AMFT
EMDR, perinatal and couples work
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Nicola Loretto
MA, AMFT
Grief, identity and Gottman couples work
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Dina Abdelaal
AMFT
Trauma and PTSD, in English and Spanish
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Aidé Merito
AMFT, APCC
Teens, identity and trauma, in English and Spanish
View profileFees in brief
We are in network with Aetna (PPO and EPO plans only), Cigna, UnitedHealthcare, Optum and Blue Shield of California. Not every clinician is in network with every plan.
Seeing someone out of network? We provide superbills you can submit for reimbursement.
Rates and insuranceLicensed therapist
$180
per telehealth session
For adults, couples, children or families
Associate therapist
$150
per telehealth session
For adults, couples, children or families
Questions before you begin
What if we remember the conversation differently?
That difference can be part of the work. A therapist can help explore each person's experience and how the interaction unfolds without treating memory as a courtroom contest.
How do I ask about this service?
Tell the practice the broad kind of support you are seeking, your language preference and whether you have a clinician in mind. Fit, availability and any fee or insurance arrangement need to be confirmed before an appointment.
A small first step
Start with a free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss provider fit, availability and the next step. Keep personal and health details out of an ordinary website inquiry. Ongoing sessions are offered by video within California.
Explore Couples TherapyKeep exploring
When You Keep Having the Same Fight
Explore recurring arguments, communication patterns and finding a couples therapist who fits your relationship.
When You Feel Like Roommates
You coordinate groceries, bills and calendars. You might work well as a team, yet miss feeling like partners.
Make room for a different conversation
Start with a free 15 minute phone consultation. We'll help you consider provider fit and next steps.